Hillbillies School of Witchcraft and Wizardry
by Splendora
Summary: Harry Potter/Beverly Hillbillies X-over. The characters of the Beverly Hillbillies teach at Hogwarts. What could possibly go wrong? Read to find out.
1. New teachers

Disclaimer: I don't own The Beverly Hillbillies I just like to watch it on TV Land

Hillbillies School of Witchcraft and Wizardry

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or The Beverly Hillbillies. I just came up with this crazy idea because I thought of what it would be like if Granny Clampett taught potions.

It was the start of a new term at Hogwarts. It was really confusing because of all the new teachers. The Ministry had thought they needed American teachers to teach the students magic because it would cost less to pay them and they found a bunch of them living close together Beverly Hills, California.

So Harry, Ron, and Hermione sat at their usual table with the rest of the students waiting for the new headmaster to welcome them all back. They watched a medium sized man step up to the podium. He didn't look at all like Dumbledore. He looked more like a greedy banker. "Welcome students, to another year at Hogwarts." he said. Everyone noticed a tall skinny woman whisper something in his ear. "It seems that there are quite a few changes this year." he continued. The woman whispered in his ear again. "So we're all going to make this transition as easy as possible for all of us." he continued. The woman whispered in his ear again. "You're all probably wondering who I am, my name is Milburn Drysdale, I'm going to be your Headmaster." he finished.

The woman cleared her throat and a few teachers at the table all looked angry at Professor Drysdale. "Oh, alright, this thing who has been telling me what to say is Professor Jane Hathaway, she'll be your new transfiguration teacher, your new potions professor will be Professor Daisy Moses, please call her Granny, your new charms teacher is Professor Jethro Bodine, your new broom instructor is Professor Jed Clampett, your new care of magical creatures teacher will be Professor Elly May Clampett, your new divination teacher will be Professor Pearl Bodine, your new defense against the dark arts teacher will be Professor Margaret Drysdale, and our new caretaker is Miss Elverna Bradshaw." said Professor Drysdale.

Everyone noticed Professor Granny pointing and snickering at the doorway and turned to see what she was laughing at. In the doorway there was a tall, chubby woman leaning on a dust mop and looking very unhappy. She was glaring daggers at Professor Granny who kept acting like she was better than her. When she noticed that everyone was staring at her she looked even angrier.

"What is it about that job that makes people who have to do it so angry?" asked Harry. "It's degrading, it's usually reserved for people who don't have enough magic to teach, so they have to be a janitor." said Hermione. "I've got a lot of magic, but at home I have to clean up around the house and everything, I'm use to It." said Harry. "Well, let's hope she's not another Mister Filch, she's a woman she can't hurt anyone." said Ron. Hermione kicked Ron under the table.

"Now that everyone's introduced, let's eat!" said Professor Drysdale. Everyone ate until it was time to pick up their schedules. Harry, Ron, and Hermione all had transfiguration first so they decided to get there early to see how this Professor Hathaway woman would be.


	2. Transfiguration, no nonsense

When Harry, Ron, and Hermione walked into the classroom, Professor Hathaway had everyone lined up against the wall

When Harry, Ron, and Hermione walked into the classroom, Professor Hathaway had everyone lined up against the wall. "Oh there you are, I was about to call roll and you weren't here, line up with the rest of your classmates and make sure you're not late again." she said in a British/American accent. Malfoy snickered at them. "Excuse me; I will not have nonsense in my classroom that includes laughing at people when they get into trouble, that's rude." she said. Harry had to fight hard not to laugh at Malfoy as he took his place in line.

This woman was strict; she no doubt had a no tolerance policy. That meant that Malfoy would get what he deserved, in this classroom at least. Harry knew enough about strict teachers to keep his distance. He wouldn't cross her, but he did like her. She looked as though she'd be able to stop all the bullying in the classroom. She'd probably be able to control the classroom very well which was good because Harry was getting tired of the class acting like a babbling bumbling band of baboons.

Hermione surveyed Professor Hathaway as she walked toward her desk. She looked a lot younger than Professor McGonagall and Hermione was worried about how she would be able to control the classroom. Even though she'd acted strict, her age would be a disadvantage, she didn't look like she'd had a lot of experience with teaching and that meant that the students would probably run right over her. Hermione liked her despite all this and she knew that Malfoy probably hated her.

Ron seemed afraid of her. He had been looking forward to pulling pranks on the new teachers, but Professor Hathaway shattered any chance of that happening, considering her strict, no nonsense policy.

Professor Hathaway walked back up to the line carrying a roll of parchment and an odd looking folder with strips of paper stuck to the inside in seven neat columns of five. "Draco Malfoy." she said. "Here." said Malfoy. "Where do I have you, oh, you sit in the fifth row, second seat." said Professor Hathaway consulting her folder. "Hermione Granger." she said as Malfoy slouched all the way to his seat. "Here." said Hermione. "Ah, I can see that you're going to be my trouble maker, you and your little friends." said Professor Hathaway. Hermione looked confused. Professor Hathaway's severe look turned into a warm smile. "First row, third seat, honey." she said. Hermione made her way to her seat. "Harry Potter." said Professor Hathaway. "Here." said Harry. "Join your friend you're in the first row, second seat." said Professor Hathaway. "Ronald Weasley." said Professor Hathaway. "Here." said Ron. "First row, first seat." said Professor Hathaway.

When she was finished seating everyone the Gryffindors were on one side of the classroom and the Slytherins were on the other side. There was a row of desks separating the two houses. "Alright guys now that I've got you all seated, let's go over some rules, I have only three, they are, follow directions, work hard, and be kind, I'd like you to write those rules five times for homework tonight, now that that's done, is there anything you'd like to know about me?" asked Professor Hathaway. "Where did you get the idea for that odd seating chart?" asked Hermione. "I'm sorry honey, I didn't hear that because you didn't raise your hand, and I got it from my old math teacher, I've modeled my teaching skills after her." said Professor Hathaway. "Do you have a family?" asked Harry. "I have relatives, but no husband or children, if that's what you want to know; I lived alone in an apartment in Beverly Hills, though the Clampetts often said I was family to them." said Professor Hathaway.

The bell rang. "Oh, okay, I want you all to write those rules for homework tonight, I want them on my desk first thing tomorrow morning." said Professor Hathaway. The class left the classroom. Harry, Ron, and Hermione looked at their schedules; they had potions next. They were eager to see what Professor Granny would be like, she looked like quite a character at the feast.


	3. Potions, the right way

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or The Beverly Hillbillies. I just came up with this crazy idea because I thought of what it would be like if Granny Clampett taught potions. Sorry I didn't put a diclaimer on the previous chapter, I was just in a hurry!

Harry, Ron, and Hermione got to potions class quickly. If Professor Granny was anything like Professor Hathaway then they'd have to get to class early. And considering how old the woman looked, she'd probably be even more strict. They just had to cross their fingers and hope for the best.

When they walked in, the little old woman was there to greet them. "Hey, come on in, welcome to your first potions lesson." she said. "Actually Professor, we've had potions class before there will be no need to treat us like we never have." said Malfoy. "Young man, speak only when you're spoken to, alright?" said Professor Granny in a really sweet voice. Malfoy looked confused, this woman wasn't at all like Snape.

"Alright, this is your first potions class done right and so today, since it's your first day back at school, I thought I'd start with something easy, who here knows how to make Spring Tonic?" asked Professor Granny. Hermione looked confused and angry, she didn't like the fact that she didn't know how to do something for the very first time in her life. "Well that's alright, I don't expect you to, you're only children, don't be scared it's a simple potion to learn." said Professor Granny.

"Excuse me, Professor, shouldn't we first be assigned our seats?" asked Hermione. "Honey, I've never liked having to sit in the same seat all the time, sit where you like as long as you all can get along." said Professor Granny.

Everyone sat down where they could talk with their friends and awaited instructions. "Now, you have the ingredients in front of you in the order that they need to be added so everyone get to work." said Professor Granny. "What about measurements?" asked Hermione. "Oh you're full of questions, aren't you, you just need a little bit of each, careful not to put too much or..."But Professor Granny didn't get to finish what she was saying, for an explosion had occured at the other table.

Everyone turned their attention to the table where the explosion had occured and saw Neville Longbottom looking really scared with a mess of ingredients and broken glass all around him. Professor Granny walked up to him and surveyed the mess. Neville expected her to yell at him and take points from Gryffindor, but instead she smilled. "Too much eye of newt?" she asked. Neville nodded. "Don't worry honey, I made the same mistake when my mother taught me to make this, you can just clean up and start over fifty points to Gryffindor for trying." said Professor Granny. Neville smiled and so did all the Gryffindors. They were going to like this teacher!

When the bell rang, Harry, Ron, and Hermione looked at their schedule once again. Next was Charms, so far, all the classes had been something new and they were sure that whoever this Professor Jethro Bodine wouldn't dissapoint, so they hurried off to their next class.


End file.
